The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
