a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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