at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
