We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
