Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
