Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
