Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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