hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
