I'm so fucking centered right now
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
