ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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