Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
