Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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