yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
