you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
