So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
