we're blogging at a bar
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
