just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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