She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
