I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
