So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
