I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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