How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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