Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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