you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Actions speak louder than pants.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
