I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
