fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
