I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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