my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
