She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Life is so much better after having sex.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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