Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
