i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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