you traded sex for a burrito?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
