Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
