I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
