I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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