yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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