if you like me you must not know who I am
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
