About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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