im having a threesome with these popsicles
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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