We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
