Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
