it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We were destined to go to rehab together
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
