how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
