is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You're breaking my sexual little heart
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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