I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
