This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
