I intend to get homeless drunk
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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