Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize