Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
