its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
