it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
