I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize