So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
