Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i think my cat just said my name.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize