I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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