so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
