So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize