omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
