S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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