just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
