Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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