Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
