One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
