is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The best revenge is premature balding
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
