Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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